My husband and I have infertility.

I just read through my last post...This one won't be as light hearted but I was inspired to share what I have been going through. My husband and I have infertility. This is my way of letting my family know. Also, for the past couple years I have been searching for someone who truly understands, a way to feel like we are not the only ones. I hope this can help someone else who feels alone to.

Let's do some backgroud:

2008- Met the love of my life and moved to California.

2009- Married and was not preventing pregnancy, we thought, "If it happens now, great! If not right now, that's ok too." I gained an unexplained 50 pounds in ONE month. At the time I was worried but didn't realize it might have something to do with infertility. Now I think it might be hinting at a condition called PCOS which can cause infertility.

2010- Sealed for eternity in LDS Temple and was very surprised I was not pregnant by this point. Every month I thought for sure I would take a test and get a positive. Despite our hopes, every month I became more surprised by my monthly cycle.

2011- Moved to Las Vegas chasing Hubby's dream of becoming a nurse. At this point we really wanted a child, but couldn't talk to others about it much because most of our family didn't approve since we were still in school and living with our parents.

2012- Life moves on and we emerse ourselves in work, school, and our church callings. We love the children we serve in our volunteer work. We try to focus our energies on them, our family and trying to become contributing adults. Starting to realize I will need a doctor in the mix to ever get pregnant.

2013- By this point we have experienced enough disappointment that I choose to stop taking pregnancy tests and just wait for my period each month. So my start day kind of became my grieve day...No, not a whole day. Usually just a moment of sadness because Hubby doesn't like when I dwell on the heartache.

2014- Hubby starts nursing school. We begin to focus more actively on concieving a child, although we still don't have insurance that covers any infertility treatments. We do what we can...Test my thyroid. My first Pap. Use home ovulation tests. Keep a detailed cycle record. Tracking Temp. By this point we have tried out  ALL the unwanted advice too: Raise your legs after sex. Eat this. Don't eat this. Lose 20 pounds. Don't pee right afterward. Stay laying down afterward. Have sex every other day. No, every day. Try to "Have Fun". And my personal favorite: Just Relax! You're too stressed. None of it worked, and now I know that most of this advice was not based in fact.

2015- This was the year I really buckled down and put my best effort forward and all the hope I had left. It was also when I began to feel more isolated. I believe its because no one around me truly knew or understood what we were going through with our infertility. Meanwhile, we had a lot of fun! We had lots of great times and lots of freedom. None of that can replace the miracle of having a child but we do love our life. This year we had a lot to look forward to as Hubby headed toward graduation.

2016- I stopped using ovulation tests and didn't keep as detailed records. Hubby Graduated and we moved back to Californa.

So, that brings us to today. This is so long, but I needed to let everyone know what's actually been happening to be able to continue to write about my daily experiences.

Sorry this is so heavy and serious. I know some people reading this will probably hate it, but I also know there is probably a woman out there just dyng to read the exact same words that have been bouncing around in her head for months or even years. Some of the things I will be writing I have been screaming inside myself for years, so my words may come off as insecure, immature, and even whiney. Please forgive me in advance and join me opening the conversation about infertility and letting the stigma and shame surrounding this condition fall away!